The female translation guide

She might be saying one thing, but we all know it means something completely different. Here’s how to find out what the woman in your life is really thinking.

EDGAR staff August 10, 2014

It's pretty common knowledge that at least some of the time when a woman says one thing, she actually means something entirely different.

Despite there being times when she genuinely says what she thinks, these moments of truth serve only as red herrings which add to the confusion, making it nigh on impossible to decipher fact from fiction.

Despite most men being acutely aware of the fact that all isn't necessarily as it seems, the real problem lies in cracking the complex code that has perplexed the male population throughout history.

It's not an easy task, and we could never claim to have found all the answers, but here is our best effort at unravelling the tangled web of woman's words, which has caught so many unsuspecting men in its trap. If you hear any of the following phrases, don't believe them for a second.

"Enjoy your night out with the boys - I hope you have fun."

On the face of it this seems like a free pass to let your hair down and go wild for a night. But this is, in fact, a way of letting you know that she's not really OK with you abandoning her for the evening and you now owe her one, and if you've got the gaul to come stumbling in and wake her up in the wee hours then you'll owe her another one.

"Everything is fine - I don't want to talk about it."

42-30893121 What a relief - and you thought that she was annoyed! Well we've got news for you: she is annoyed, in fact, she's so fuming that she doesn't want to talk about the issue for fear that she'll blow her top and say something she might regret. The best way to deal with this is to give her a little time and then approach the subject with extreme caution later.

"Are you wearing that shirt tonight?"

42-16339959 No woman in history has been so bothered about her man's clothes that she feels the need to pass comment, unless she categorically does NOT want him to wear the item in question. Which is exactly what the above phrase means. If she says this then she obviously finds your attire offensive, and you'd do well to make a swift costume change before heading out.

"I'm nearly ready."

42-17620125 Not all women are guilty of this misleading statement - there are a few rare creatures who have the knack of getting ready quickly and still looking great - but for the most part, this phrase should be taken with a healthy pinch of salt. Rather than standing up and heading for the front door, take a seat, crack open a drink and settle in for the long haul.

"We need to talk."

42-20512759 If you're ever unfortunate enough to hear this most dreaded of statements, there's no two ways about it: you're in big trouble. At best, you're in for a telling off, but the worst case scenario is the relationship is over and there's nothing you can do about it. Dealing with this one is tough, but listening and at least feigning understanding is key here.